God’s Six Purposes For Marriage
God’s word details six purposes for marriage.
The six purposes of marriage are:
- Help
- Procreation
- Godly children
- Proper expression of sexual desire
- Sanctification
- Refer people to God’s covenantal love
Purpose 1: Help
Primary Scriptural Support:
Genesis 2:18-24
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Mal 2:14
“…she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”
Description
Soon after creating the first man God declared that it was not good for him to be alone and created a wife for him. Since God also revealed that there are times when it is his will for a person that they be single (see 1 Cor 7:6-8) we are right to understand that the statement “it is not good” is to be understood in the sense that ‘it is not good for those not intended to be single, not specially gifted and called to be single’. Today here in the United States census data reveals that by the age 70 nine of every ten people will have married at least once. So we can understand that as a general truth God has designed most people for marital companionship. The overwhelming majority of us who are not specially gifted for singleness will come to see that God’s statement is true–it is good to not be alone.
Supporting Scriptures
The Bible provides several examples of spousal help. Spouses provide wisdom (Judges 13:22-23), comfort (Genesis 24:67 & 2 Samuel 12:24), love and respect (Ephesians 5:33), material/financial support (Prov 31:15-18), and general support running a home and family (Titus 2:5).
Westminster Confession
The Westminster Confession addresses this purpose for marriage when it states that,
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife,…”
Purpose 2: Procreation
Primary Scriptural Support:
Genesis 1:27-28
27
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Genesis 9:1
And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.
Description
God’s second purpose for marriage is that it would be the proper setting for mankind to follow God’s command to produce children. In our age we have insight to human sexuality and the reproductive process and we can control the number and timing of pregnancies. Or, we may reject these abilities concluding that we should not disconnect sex from the possibility of producing children. Regardless, God’s word states plainly that he commands us to have children.
Supporting Scriptures
Children require great effort if they are to be taught, loved, protected, and their many needs met. God states plainly in his word that despite the financial expenses, the great physical work , enormous emotional worry, impact on personal freedom, and any other “expenses” involved in raising children, they are a great blessing (Proverbs 127:3-4).
Westminster Confession, John Piper & Others
The Westminster Confession affirms this purpose of marriage declaring,
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with legitimate issue…
John Piper,
“Marriage is for making children—that is, procreation. Having babies. This is not the main meaning of marriage. But it is an important one and a biblical one.” (This Momentary Marriage, page 138).
Purpose 3: Godly Children
Primary Scriptural Support:
Malachi 2:15
5 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
Description
God’s third purpose for marriage is for marriages to produce godly offspring. This is distinct from his purpose to have children. Unbelievers can experience God’s purposes when they experience the help of a spouse (Purpose 1) and the blessing of children (Purpose 2). But God does not desire that marriages “fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28, 9:1) through child-bearing. His purposes for marriage includes children who will come to know and fear him and live obediently under his fatherly love.
Supporting Scriptures
God’s word mentions God’s desire for marriages to produce godly children. Both parents are involved in that instruction and example (Proverbs 6:20-21, Ephesians 6:1-2,4)
Westminster Confession, John Piper, John Kostenberger and David Jones, Kent and Barbara Hughes
The Westminster Confession observes that having godly children is a distinct purpose separate from the purpose in marriage to simply have children. It acknowledges that those who are not
Christians can fulfill the former purpose in marriage but that Christian believers are called to fulfill the latter when it states that,
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with legitimate issue, and of the church with an holy seed…”
John Piper writes of this same purpose for marriage,
“Marriage is for making children—that is, procreation. Having babies. This is not the main meaning of marriage. But it is an important one and a biblical one. But then I add the words disciples of Jesus. Marriage is for making children into disciples of Jesus. Here the focus shifts. The purpose of marriage is not merely to add more bodies to the planet. The point is to increase the number of followers of Jesus on the planet.” (This Momentary Marriage, page 138).
Piper emphasizes the point later in that book adding,
“Good marriages make good places for children to grow up and see the glory of Christ’s covenant keeping love” (This Momentary Marriage, page 144).
John Kostenberger and David Jones,
“Christian parents have the mandate and serious obligation to instill their religious heritage in their children.” (God, Marriage, and Family, page 94).
and,
“…child-bearing a vital part of women’s life of faith…” (citing 1 Timothy 2:15, God, Marriage, and Family, page 55).
Kent and Barbara Hughes,
“It is our joyous heavenly commission to lead them to Christ and then influence their lives so they walk increasingly in the way of grace.” (Disciplines of a Godly Family, page 16).
Purpose 4: Proper Expression of Sexual Desire
Primary Scriptural Support:
1 Corinthians 7:1-9
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Description
God’s fourth purpose for marriage has to do with the fact that we are sexual beings with bodies of skin and bones and all sorts of organs and hormones and different body parts all combining to give us (at times) strong sexual urges.
God’s word in 1 Corinthians 7 and other places (Song of Solomon & numerous places in Proverbs to name a few ) states that he is aware that men and women have sometimes quite strong sex drives and that in marriage he provides a relationship for expression of that aspect of our humanity for those not called to a life of singleness and celibacy. This of course does not mean newly weds immediately fall into a life-long experience of marital sexual bliss. Most couples find it a degree of effort, even work, with sex becoming increasingly rich as their relationship deepens through the years. Gary Chapman offers a helpful comment on how all this can add up when he wrote about sex in the start of his marriage,
“This was another area of marriage in which I never anticipated problems. I was fully male; she was fully female—and we had a high level of sexual attraction for each other. What more could we need? I anticipated this would be heaven for both of us. After the wedding, I discovered what was heavenly for one may be hell for the other.” (Things I Wish I Had Known Before We Got Married, page 93).
My point in citing Chapman is not to overly focus on how marital sex early in married life can be less than fully satisfying or dreaded. Many couples have no issues. My point is that in marriage God provides an important and sometimes even thrilling setting for sexual expression. This is commonly the case even as it develops and grows through education, effort and selfless consideration.
Supporting Scriptures
Song of Solomon 8:6-7 describes the strong love of marriage and how valuable sexual faithfulness is in it,
“Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
the very flame of the Lord.
Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
all the wealth of his house,
he would be utterly despised.”
Proverbs 2:16- 19 teaches that whereas life is found in Godly marital union death flows to those who violate its life-long covenant,
“So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,
from the adulteress with her smooth words,
17
who forsakes the companion of her youth
and forgets the covenant of her God;
18
for her house sinks down to death,
and her paths to the departed;
19
none who go to her come back,
nor do they regain the paths of life.”
Westminster Confession, Greg Lanier
The Westminster Confession observes that in marriage God provides a relationship for proper expression of sexual desire when it ends its statement with,
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind with legitimate issue, and of the church with an holy seed and for preventing uncleanness.
Greg Lanier recognizes this God-given purpose in marriage when the mentioned how marriage is,
“…to modulate and satisfy sexual urges…” (“Marriage Is Built To End”, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/marriage-built-to-end/).
Purpose 5: Sanctification
Primary Scriptural Support:
Ephesians 5:22-33
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Description
God’s purposes for marriage includes that spouses help each other grow to become like Jesus. When we grow to become more like Jesus we increasingly glorify God and know peace and joy from fulfilling God’s purpose in creating us. Consider Isaiah 43:6-7,
“I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
We were made to glorify God. We glorify him best when we are becomingly like his Son who perfectly glorifies the Father. The marriage relationships are intense relationships of life refining another’s life as each persons strengths and weaknesses are made plain before the other and have impact on the other.
Sometimes with sweet and encouraging formation, sometimes with uncomfortable tension and friction, husbands and wives are used by God’s Spirit to make the other increasingly like Jesus. Each are imperfect as they need a Savior (Eph 5;23) and each are under the ultimate headship leadership of Jesus (Eph 5:23-24). With those realizations they ought to be aiming for no mistreatment and no sense of superiority.
Wives and Husbands in Spousal Sanctification
Wives
In marriage God assigns the wife to submit and respect her husband while aiming to please her Lord first and foremost. God makes clear in several passages of the Bible that a godly wife can have a remarkable impact on her husbands life. In Proverbs 31 the “excellent wife” is called “more precious than jewels” (Prof 31:10). The chapter details over 17 compliments of her strengths and contributions to the physical, financial, and emotional state of her marriage and family. No woman may fully deserve the degree of every aspect of the 17 comments of praise but no honest husband blessed by a godly wife would fail to see how their wife earns many of them. There is no such companion section in scripture for godly husbands. The godly woman’s strength, wisdom, love, kindness, and self-control while under willing submission to her husband is highlighted as deserving strong praise. In 1 Peter 3:1-6 God makes similar statements. Consider the impact God anticipates from a godly wife’s life on her husband and others. He states that he is pleased to use her holiness to bring an unbelieving husband to faith (1 Peter 3:1) not even needing words but through the wife’s “respectful and pure conduct”. God says that a godly wife’s “gentle and quiet spirit” has “imperishable beauty” in his eyes and is “very precious” (1 Pe 3:4). God praises “holy women” who “do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” and states that their submission to their husbands is like an adornment that marks them as examples for other women to imitate (1 Pe 3: 5). Through the Spirit of God the sanctifying impact of such women on their husbands is astounding.
Husbands
The husband also can strongly support his wife’s sanctification throughout the course of their marriage. Ephesians 5:25-33 states that the husband is to seek his wife’s growth imitating Jesus’ self-sacrificial selflessness “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. Husbands are to desire for their wife to grow closer to Christ and be remade into his image. They love and support their wives in hope that the Spirit might make their wives “holy and without blemish.”
Supporting Scriptures
As noted above the supporting scriptures for the spousal sanctification as one of God’s purposes for marriage include Proverbs 31:10-31 and 1 Peter 3:1-6.
Westminster Confession, Timothy and Kathy Keller, John Piper, R. Kent Hughes
Westminster Confession
The writers of the Westminster Confession fail to give direct focus on the sanctifying impact spouses have on each other. Perhaps they held that their wording, “marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife” included that purpose for marriage. As I have proposed mutual help and sanctifying influence are two purposes. Unbelievers can fulfill the first, believers can fulfill both.
Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller
Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller supported the idea that spousal sanctification is a purpose of marriage in their book on marriage stating,
“What is it for? Helping each other to become our future glory-selves.” (The Meaning of Marriage, page 120).
John Piper
John Piper affirmed the sanctifying purpose of marriage when he wrote that,
“Few things have a greater transforming impact on a husband or a wife than the long-suffering, forgiving sacrifices of love in the spouse.” (This Momentary Marriage, page 70).
R. Kent Hughes
R. Kent Hughes likewise affirms the powerful influence of spousal love in sanctification arguing that,
“Marriage under the Lordship of Christ is a mutually sanctifying relationship- it moves us toward holiness.” (Disciplines of a Godly Man, page 37).
Purpose 6: Refer People to God’s Covenantal Love
Primary Scriptural Support:
Ephesians 5:31-32
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Description
Ephesians 5:31-32 states that the “mystery” of marriage, the impossible to fully comprehend love, the at times overwhelming power of marital loyalty and devotion, these “refer” those who witness it to “Christ and the church”. Marriage love and commitment point people to consider God’s love for his people. When people experience a godly marriage they are led to ponder the greater, more undeserving, fully perfect love that the best marriage between two sinful humans only crudely pictures, God in Christ loving his adopted children.
Supporting Scriptures
Scripture is full of marriage imagery for God’s relationship with his people. God invites us to view him as the faithful and true husband in Isaiah 54:5 where God claims that role proclaiming,
“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name…”
The picture is affirmed in Jeremiah 3:20,
“Surely as a treacherous wife leaves her husband so have you been treacherous to me, O house of Israel.”
Ezekiel 16:32 in a similar vein of condemnation for sin calls Israel an “Adulterous wife”. Likewise in Hosea 2:2 the Lord threatens that Israel might lose God as her husband, but the threat is explained as a prompt to his people, “that she put away her whoring from her face” and that he might “betroth” Israel to himself “forever” (Hosea 2:19). God delights in having a godly marriage picture his great love for his people. In fact God’s word ends in Revelation with the picture of God as husband taking to himself his people as a bride. Marriage imagery is employed for God and his people in 19:7, 21:2, 21:9and then at verse 22:17 the Lord ensures the picture is prominent at the close of the book with, “The Spirit and the Bride say, Come.”
G.W. Knight, John Piper, Wayne Grudem
G.W. Knight
Commenting on Ephesians 5:31-32, G.W. Knight acknowledged this important purpose for marriage when he wrote,
“Paul saw that when God designed the original marriage, He already had Christ and the church in mind. This is one of God’s great purposes in marriage: to picture the relationship between Christ and His redeemed people forever!” (Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism, page 434. Also quoted in The Meaning of Marriage, page 42).
John Piper,
“I have tried to show from Scripture that the main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God, most deeply and most importantly, to be a parable or drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way he calls the church to love him. This is the most important thing for wives and husbands to know about the meaning of their marriage.” (This Momentary Marriage, page 137).
Wayne Grudem
Wayne Grudem in his Systematic Theology proposes similarly that,
“The union between husband and wife is not temporary but lifelong (Mal 2:14-16;Rom. 7:2) and it is not trivial but is a profound relationship created by God in order to picture the relationship between Christ and his church (Eph 5:23-32).” (Systematic Theology, page 455).
David Baum 